If you're anything like me, one of the first things you wonder about upon entering Madison Square Garden for a Ranger game is....who am I going to end up sitting next to/around? Actually, I may be the only person who worries about that. Anyway, I digress. I have compiled a list of people I hate sitting next to during hockey games and sporting events in general --- but seeing how this blog will focus mainly on the Rangers we'll just stick to the theme of the good old hockey game (its the best game you can name).
Okay, so you have your beer, maybe you made a pit-stop at the team store, pre-game skate is over and it's almost time for the puck to drop. As you're headed to your seats, I sincerely hope one of the following people is not sitting next to you:
1. The Mute
Need I say more? At various points in the game you will find yourself questioning whether or not these people even have a pulse. Nothing gets a rise out of these people, a fight, a goal - nothing. They just sit there and stare the entire game with their hands folded in their laps. They also might not appreciate your foul language, commentary on the game and general game time shouting. But I mean, if you don't want to hear people around you getting into a game...why did you come? Stay home, or at least let the people sitting around you know you're alive. I've sat next to a few mutes in my lifetime and at first they used to make me feel uncomfortable, like I had to censor myself in order to not disturb them. However, I have grown to not give a shit. I paid good money for this ticket and I came here intending to have a good time. Mutes, if you're out there - I don't know if anybody ever told you but it's a hockey game, not a tennis match - you don't need to take a vow of silence.
2. The Traveler
As annoying as it is, at least it's tolerable when you have to stand up and let people in and out of your row between periods, but when you have the misfortune of sitting next to that one person that gets up 50,000 times during the game....that shit is just not acceptable. First and foremost, I just need to know where the hell you're going. Half the time you return to the row with nothing in your hands. If you're not going to buy A. beer, B. food, C. memorabilia ...what are you doing that requires you to get up and leave your seat 400 times per period? Are you going to the bathroom? But how can one person have to pee that much? Haven't you ever heard of not breaking the seal until you absolutely need to? Sometimes, after the 1,000th time you've climbed over me, I just want to take a poll amongst people in our row and even our section to vote you the eff out ala Survivor. Seriously: sit the fuck down.
3. The Critic
In the eyes of this guy, NOBODY on your team can do anything right. This guy will pick apart every and anything, a bad turnover, that guy didn't make his change fast enough, his grandmother could have made that save, etc. etc. etc. This guy can't even be happy when your team scores, instead of being happy he's discussing all the ways the play could have gone wrong. We get it dude, everybody on the team is a bum, the coach is clueless, your blind parrot could've made that save - got it, now can you please keep it to a minimum?
4. The Yelling Drunk
He may be funny for the first period. Maybe even half way into the second. But eventually you will get tired of that screaming drunk guy. Now you may be thinking - I already complained about the mute for being quiet...but now I'm complaining about the drunk yelling guy? Yes, yes I am. That is because drunk yelling guy is ALWAYS yelling, this guy doesn't take a break, save to sip his beer. Seriously, we do not need to hear your mouth for a full 60 minutes of hockey. Not every action on the ice warrants your hollering, give it a rest.
5.The Texter
It is impossible for The Texter to look away form his or hers cellphone. Which begs me to ask the question, why did you even buy a ticket? Why are you even here? You're not even watching! And more importantly, who the hell are you texting? And if you're on refreshing social media website like a mad man, trust me - peoples stupid, pointless updates will still be there after the game. It's okay to put your phone down. And if you're on Twitter live tweeting the game....I have no words for you. Odds are if people gave a shit about your commentary on the game - you'd have a press pass & you'd be seated at the press box. Oh but wait, that's right - nobody cares! I'll never understand how people go to a live sporting event, or even a concert and they can't tear themselves away from their phones...
While these are only a few of the endless list of abnormal beings we can end up next to at a game, bottom line: we should all be thankful when we end up sitting next to a normal human being at a game.
should put pictures of these people lol
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